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Helping Your Child Through the Loss of a Friend
No one prepares you for the moment your child experiences their first real loss. One day, it’s all giggles, crayons, and playground adventures; the next, you’re faced with a tiny, heartbroken human who’s trying to process the unthinkable: the loss of a friend. It’s one of the toughest parts of parenting, but you know what? You can get through it together.
Here’s a few things that will help:
Start with Honesty (and a Sprinkle of Simplicity)
You might feel like sugarcoating things and telling a white lie or two to make things easier for your child, but you know what? Honesty is usually the best policy, and being honest with your kids usually helps them to process better than the niceties we think are best. Just remember to keep it age appropriate. For example. Younger kids may need to hear something like “Their body stopped working, and they’re not here anymore” while older kids might need more detail, but they don’t need the whole existential breakdown of life and death. Save that for their teenage years.
Let Them Feel All the Feels
Grief is weird, messy, and unpredictable—even more so for kids. One minute they might be sobbing uncontrollably, the next they’re asking what’s for dinner like nothing happened. That’s normal. Let them know it’s okay to cry, laugh, or even feel confused. Emphasize that whatever they’re feeling is valid (even if it looks more like a tantrum than a tearful hug).
Talking About Children's Funerals
If your child wants to attend their friend’s funeral, don’t dismiss the idea. Children's funerals can be a valuable way for kids to say goodbye and understand what’s happened. Prepare them beforehand—explain what they might see and feel, and make sure they know it’s okay to step out if it gets overwhelming.
If attending feels like too much for them (or you), consider alternatives. Writing a letter, drawing a picture, or creating a small memory box are lovely ways to honour their friend.
Keep the Memories Alive
Encourage your child to talk about their friend and the happy moments they shared. Maybe they had a hilarious inside joke or a favorite game they played. Laughing and reminiscing can be healing, even when it feels bittersweet.
You could even help them create a memory book. Let them fill it with pictures, drawings, or notes about their friend. It’s a gentle reminder that just because someone isn’t here anymore doesn’t mean they’re forgotten.
Grief Doesn't Have a Deadline
The hard part? Grief doesn’t follow a neat little timeline. Your child might seem fine one day, then break down the next time they see their friend’s favourite toy. Be patient, and don’t try to “fix” it. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is be there with hugs, tissues, and a listening ear.
Lean on Support
If your child’s struggling, don’t hesitate to bring in backup. School counsellors, therapists, or even a trusted teacher can be great resources. And hey, it’s okay if you need support too—no one said parenting through grief was easy.
You don’t have to have all of the answers, but if you are open with your child and available to answer any questions, and help the to understand, you will be able to help them through such a tough time with grace and love.
Go well,
Abi
xxx
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