The One with the Epic Stillness

It is no strange coincidence that the last two blog posts I have written have been about taking proper breaks and working pauses into our lives.

It is no strange coincidence that this very blog post comes to you direct from my sofa, during a very deliberate break / pause type thing.

It is no strange coincidence that I am bowing out of my usual monthly Instagram Live video tonight, and this blog post serves as some kind of feeble apology . . .

. . . I really do hope you'll accept it.

Bowing out of tonight's Instagram Live

I could write one of my classic lists about all the things I've been coping with lately, how overwhelming it's all become and promptly wow you with my bullet-point prowess. And if I did, I think you might be equally wowed by the insane number of things I have on my plate and understand why I'm rambling on about breaks and pauses and Instagram breathers.

But you might also look at my tally and wonder how it compares with your own. Your list might be longer than mine. You might be bullet-point royalty. But I want to steer the conversation away from productivity, responsibility and efficacy. I don't want any of us to have to think too hard at all throughout this blog post. That's kind of the point of it.

I'm coming to you from a place of stillness. Early grey tea, dark chocolate and my favourite weighted blanket, yeah. But also stillness.

Lots of it.

Because earl grey tea and chocolate solve all, right?

I'm trying my best to properly switch off this week. Following an incredibly tumultuous year so far, in which I learned that my brain has been neuro-diversing its way through life without ever telling me, it's come to the point where stillness is the only choice. I know this stillness won't last forever, and I'm more than aware it comes with its fair share of judgmental gazes and whispers but I'm taking it anyway.

I'm grasping epic kind of stillness.

One of my favourite quotes is this:

"Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it."

Thanks to Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, I've lived by these words for a lot of years. It's how I've written and published five novels and generally got epic shit done. But what if sometimes, the action you need to take is actually to step away from things? To slow down to a stop?

Can action go full circle to an epic stillness?

I think the philosophical answer is: of course it bloody can.

And who am I kidding? How much stillness am I actually going to be able to grasp? There's a family to feed; teenage dramas to rectify; overdrafts to tame; a house to manage. But if I convince myself there's no room for stillness before I've even tried it out, then I've instantly become my own worst enemy, haven't I?

So this week I am asking for stillness. I'm asking my family, I'm asking my friends, I'm asking my work colleagues and I'm even asking my kid's school. Whereas twenty years ago this might have looked and smelled like some kind of breakdown, to me it feels more like building something up. Slowly, quietly, with faith in that epic stillness, building something back up.

Me.

So, in short, I'm not doing my Instagram Live tonight.

Yes, even though it's been two months since I did one.

Yes, even though last time I insisted I'd be back soon.

Yes, even though they're so much fun.

Yes, even though I love you.

You'll see this face again soon enough

I know you'll be fine without me and - because of the kind of person you are - I know you'll still be there when I'm ready to come back. But for now, as per a very good friend's advice on WhatsApp the other day, I am 'wrapping myself up in a blanket of compassion knowing that I am deeply loved'.

Fancy doing the same?

Go well,

Abi

xxx

NOTE:

I'm now an Amazon Affiliate which means I can help fund my blog and socials content when people click through one of my links to buy a product from Amazon. If you'd like to buy any of the items mentioned in my post, I'd be over the moon if you could use the links below. Thank you, beauty.

Hands down, the BEST Earl Grey tea bags: https://amzn.to/3XFB5o6 (Amazon)

Dark chocolate, just because: https://amzn.to/4dhs4aW (Amazon)

Weighted blanket (like the one I own): https://amzn.to/3zrs5uZ (Amazon)

Book on 'Rest' by Jeff Foster (will be buying this for myself): https://amzn.to/3XB8twy (Amazon)

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